It has been 10 days post chemo treatment. Hair always falls out with this chemo treatment....no wishing it would be different or thinking it may just thin out. It is ALL going to fall over...every hair on my body.
Chemo nurse said it falls out like clock work after the 15th day.
A good friend has offered to buzz me this weekend. So do I bite the bullet and buzz a few days before the great fall out ? Or should I cling to it as long as I can ?
I have already had two major sheddng events so I know it is coming.
Pros
My next chemo treatment is the 3rd. I know I will be to tired and sick to drag myself out of the house to get my hair buzzed next weekend.
I am feeling well and strong right now - maybe it would be easier to handle while I feel good.
Do I really want to see it all fall out in clumps or do I want to control this ?
Cons
It is my hair.
It is my hair.
It is my hair :(
Thought ?
Friday, October 28, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Back to work !
I went back to work full time this week. I worked nine hours the first day and WAS GLAD TO BE BACK.
I dont know why I was so worried about it. It has made my mental state 100 percent better. We talked about my surgery and pending hair loss in gory detail...it is good for my soul ! There are no secrets in my work place.
Everyone was so nice and WORE PINK for my first day back.
My BFF work friend had a chemo survial kit on my desk and my beautiful niece Brandi sent me a big flower arrangment.
A special friend wrote me a lovely card and gave me a rosary braclet to bring to chemo with me.
I talked with an HR buddy of mine in our Florida market. He was kind enough to take the afternoon and walk me through all the software changes we had while I was out. We chatted and laughed. It felt good to laugh and smile again, and talk shop.
I have a whole new outlook on work now !
Feeling the love and support.
I dont know why I was so worried about it. It has made my mental state 100 percent better. We talked about my surgery and pending hair loss in gory detail...it is good for my soul ! There are no secrets in my work place.
Everyone was so nice and WORE PINK for my first day back.
My BFF work friend had a chemo survial kit on my desk and my beautiful niece Brandi sent me a big flower arrangment.
A special friend wrote me a lovely card and gave me a rosary braclet to bring to chemo with me.
I talked with an HR buddy of mine in our Florida market. He was kind enough to take the afternoon and walk me through all the software changes we had while I was out. We chatted and laughed. It felt good to laugh and smile again, and talk shop.
I have a whole new outlook on work now !
Feeling the love and support.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The Great Hair Fall Out 2011
It begins today !
I am thinking this is the weekend I will go get my GI Jane look !
It is heartbreaking.
Yes I know it just hair...but still !
I am going back to work on Wednesday. 6 weeks post op.
Is it to soon ? I dont know, but I think work will be good for me and will not give me as much time to dwell on all the what ifs. I think it will be exhausting.
Looking at the bright side - maybe I will sleep better.
I need my medical benefits and we have medical bills to pay as well.
My coworkers have been great and supportive. So I think that work will help me mentally and emotionally. I have been with this company for almost 17 years - I dont want to walk away because I was to sick to work.
I hope that I can keep up.
Wish me luck.
I am thinking this is the weekend I will go get my GI Jane look !
It is heartbreaking.
Yes I know it just hair...but still !
I am going back to work on Wednesday. 6 weeks post op.
Is it to soon ? I dont know, but I think work will be good for me and will not give me as much time to dwell on all the what ifs. I think it will be exhausting.
Looking at the bright side - maybe I will sleep better.
I need my medical benefits and we have medical bills to pay as well.
My coworkers have been great and supportive. So I think that work will help me mentally and emotionally. I have been with this company for almost 17 years - I dont want to walk away because I was to sick to work.
I hope that I can keep up.
Wish me luck.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
A little happy music for a Sunday night !
The song is about the mythical kingdom of Shambala, said to be hidden somewhere within or beyond the peaks of the Himalayas and mentioned in various ancient texts including the Kalachakra Tantra and ancient texts of Tibetan Buddhism.
The lyrics refer to a situation where kindness and cooperation are universal, joy and good fortune abound, and psychological burdens are lifted:
Wash away my troubles, wash away my pain
With the rain in Shambala
Wash away my sorrow, wash away my shame
With the rain in Shambala
Everyone is lucky, everyone is kind
On the road to Shambala
Everyone is happy, everyone is so kind
On the road to Shambala
How does your light shine, in the halls of Shambala?
While the lyrics include the refrain "in the halls of Shambala", much of the song actually refers to "the road to Shambala", perhaps alluding to the idea of Shambala not as a physical place but as a metaphor for the spiritual path one might follow.
Have a peaceful journey on your road this week, where ever it takes you.
The song is about the mythical kingdom of Shambala, said to be hidden somewhere within or beyond the peaks of the Himalayas and mentioned in various ancient texts including the Kalachakra Tantra and ancient texts of Tibetan Buddhism.
The lyrics refer to a situation where kindness and cooperation are universal, joy and good fortune abound, and psychological burdens are lifted:
Wash away my troubles, wash away my pain
With the rain in Shambala
Wash away my sorrow, wash away my shame
With the rain in Shambala
Everyone is lucky, everyone is kind
On the road to Shambala
Everyone is happy, everyone is so kind
On the road to Shambala
How does your light shine, in the halls of Shambala?
While the lyrics include the refrain "in the halls of Shambala", much of the song actually refers to "the road to Shambala", perhaps alluding to the idea of Shambala not as a physical place but as a metaphor for the spiritual path one might follow.
Have a peaceful journey on your road this week, where ever it takes you.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
FOOD FOOD FOOD
FOOD FOOD FOOD
In South Louisiana – this is what we live and breathe.
Our weekends are planned around what we are going to cook.
Seafood Gumbo ? Crawfish, Crabs, Redfish, Brisket, Shrimp.... and what time does the football game start ? Do we eat before, after or during half time ?
Who is bringing the makings for a decent blood mary ?
For the first few days after chemo – nothing will taste good – smell good, look good.
You want nothing to do with food.
You are told you must drink drink drink drink drink ....…and then drink some more water to flush the meds out of your system. You will feel better if you do this.
You know this, but it is hard to make yourself do it.
Water makes me extremely nauseated after chemo so this does not work for me.
Apple juice and flat ginger ale is about all I can handle and just the thought of it now makes me want to retch!
Foods I crave after chemo
A Icee - this is a cure for anything.
Popsicles – tropical flavors are the best.
Watermelon…I CRAVE watermelon. It is a shame it is not in season.
What I eat
Brown Rice (sometimes mixed with Peas or mushrooms)
Mashed Potatoes
Toast - sometimes with turkey, but no mayo, must be plain.
Saltines - I keep a box with me at all times.
Bananas
Yogurt – plain or vanilla.
Cottage cheese
Plain Cheerios
All in very small amounts
Eventually you start to crave other foods as your taste buds come back to life, but you quickly learn to eat them in very small amounts. I wanted Pancakes this morning…but I was only able to eat a few bites and that was plenty. Learn to eat very small meals and you will stay happy
And even if you CRAVE spicy tong cho chicken from a certain little restaurant in Lake Charles; you better not eat it or you will pay the price. The nausea will come back and bitch slap you with full force. I will take the fortune cookie however….they are bland and I could use some good luck.
In South Louisiana – this is what we live and breathe.
Our weekends are planned around what we are going to cook.
Seafood Gumbo ? Crawfish, Crabs, Redfish, Brisket, Shrimp.... and what time does the football game start ? Do we eat before, after or during half time ?
Who is bringing the makings for a decent blood mary ?
For the first few days after chemo – nothing will taste good – smell good, look good.
You want nothing to do with food.
You are told you must drink drink drink drink drink ....…and then drink some more water to flush the meds out of your system. You will feel better if you do this.
You know this, but it is hard to make yourself do it.
Water makes me extremely nauseated after chemo so this does not work for me.
Apple juice and flat ginger ale is about all I can handle and just the thought of it now makes me want to retch!
Foods I crave after chemo
A Icee - this is a cure for anything.
Popsicles – tropical flavors are the best.
Watermelon…I CRAVE watermelon. It is a shame it is not in season.
What I eat
Brown Rice (sometimes mixed with Peas or mushrooms)
Mashed Potatoes
Toast - sometimes with turkey, but no mayo, must be plain.
Saltines - I keep a box with me at all times.
Bananas
Yogurt – plain or vanilla.
Cottage cheese
Plain Cheerios
All in very small amounts
Eventually you start to crave other foods as your taste buds come back to life, but you quickly learn to eat them in very small amounts. I wanted Pancakes this morning…but I was only able to eat a few bites and that was plenty. Learn to eat very small meals and you will stay happy
And even if you CRAVE spicy tong cho chicken from a certain little restaurant in Lake Charles; you better not eat it or you will pay the price. The nausea will come back and bitch slap you with full force. I will take the fortune cookie however….they are bland and I could use some good luck.
Chemo Fog
During chemo, you're more tired than you've ever been. It's like a cloud passing over the sun, and suddenly you're out. You don't know how you'll find the energy to answer the door when some one rings your doorbell. But you also find that you're stronger than you've ever been. You're clear. Your mortality is at optimal distance, not up so close that it obscures everything else, but close enough to give you depth perception. Previously, it has taken you weeks, months, or years to discover the meaning of an experience. Now it's instantaneous. ~Melissa Bank
I have been in a Chemo Fog since my first treatment....it is like walking around in the dark and feeling you way thru the side effects that slam your body and your mind.
Breast Cancer Diagnosis is tricky. You can be a double positive, triple positive, triple negative, HER2, HER2Fish with all sorts of added information that boggles the mind. Lymph node or vascular involvment, clear margins - my path report is 14 pages long...small type, and I cant even pretend to understand most of it.
My Diagnosis in a nutshell - the important stuff.
IDC, 2.3cm, Stage II, Grade 2, 1/5 nodes, ER+/PR+,-HER2
Right Sentinel Node - positive metastatic carcinoma
Unifocal/clear margins
Estro Recep - 96%
Proges Recep - 76%
That is the BASIC info. This information determines what kind of Chemo Drugs you will take.
There are three basic Chemo protocals for breast cancer...they may vary slightly depending on your overall path report AND what your body can handle.
ACT
TAC
FEC (this is the one one that MD Anderson uses for most breast cancer treatments)
Accodring to my wonderful Doctor - they all give me the SAME overall results. Results meaning that the small cancer cells that MAY have been left in my body after surgery will go off to never never land and not make a return visit. No reoccurence is a biggie of course for all cancer warriors.
My Chemo treatment - AC +T
Every other week.
"ACT" stands for A-Adriamycin, C-Cytoxan, T-Taxol
I completed 1 AC treatment - and have 3 left.
Then I will have 4 T treatments
It is an aggressive dose dense chemo that is given in a shorter time frame.
Approx 16 weeks if everything goes well as compared to FEC treatment that takes up to 9 months to complete. Along with the ACT - I get a lot of other goodies mixed in for a happy cocktail hour. Steriods(ugh) and nausea meds...lots of nausea meds. My first Chemo had 7 infusions and lasted about 5 hours. 2 of the infusions were Chemo meds...the rest was extra !
My port worked fine...and even though the surgery for it was a pain in the ass...I was very happy not to have all the IVS in my arms.
I was the youngest kiddo in the "chemo room". All in all the nurses made the experience easy and comfortable. They even had some one walking around with juice, water, snacks and magazines ! Flat Screen TVs and very comfty chairs with heated blankets. MY DH went with me but he was busy watching FOX news on the TV. I chatted it up (because we know that is what I do best) - with the wife of another patient next to me. The time flew by. I chewed on ice the whole time because some one told me that protects your taste buds and your mouth. It seemed to work this time.
When I left - I felt kinda groggy from all the meds they pumped in to me, I was told to drink LOTS of water before and after treatment to help flush the toxins aka chemo out of your system - so I did. The funny/gross thing about red devil chemo is you urinate bright red for a day or two. I know TMI...but it is the chemo making its way thru your body.
My side effects: like having the flu on steriods.
Headache from hell, Nausea, and Extreme Fatigue.
The meds they give to combat the side effects work, you just have to take them religiously. So far I have been VERY BLESSED not to have any other side effects - and the ones I do have I am able to control. I want to sleep sleep sleep sleep....sleep is very healing for me. I am thankful for the drugs they give me to help me sleep. My side effects lasted (off and on) for about 3 days. I hope this is the norm for me because I really would like to work during this time frame.
The day after Chemo I must drag my poor pitiful self up to go BACK into the docotrs office to get a neulasta injection. This is the first time in my life I did not put on make up...of course the steriod made my face bight red and puffy so I dont think make up would have helped.
This helps keep me strong and my cell count up so they can pump some more chemo into my body next week.
Chemo Drug #1 *** I will talk about the other two later
Adriamycin, aka the "Red Devil," is a chemotherapy agent used to treat many kinds of cancer, including breast, lung, ovarian, and bladder cancer. It's also often called Doxorubicin, which is the generic name. Adriamycin is a brand name.
Adriamycin/Doxorubicin is often used as part of combination chemotherapy regimens; for example, when treating breast cancer it's often part of a three--part regimen known as ACT, which stands for Adriamycin, Cytoxan, Taxol.
Adriamycin's profile of side effects include low white blood cell count, low red blood cell count, low platelets, hair loss, and mouth sores., Adriamycin has come under fire because studies show it can have a toxic effect on the heart muscle, leading to heart failure.
For this reason, patients being treated with Adriamycin often have a MUGA scan to make sure the heart is working properly.
(my scan was good btw - I have a strong heart)
AND..last but not least. My hair will fall out in approx 15-20 days. I can tell it is changing now just by touching it.
I have been in a Chemo Fog since my first treatment....it is like walking around in the dark and feeling you way thru the side effects that slam your body and your mind.
Breast Cancer Diagnosis is tricky. You can be a double positive, triple positive, triple negative, HER2, HER2Fish with all sorts of added information that boggles the mind. Lymph node or vascular involvment, clear margins - my path report is 14 pages long...small type, and I cant even pretend to understand most of it.
My Diagnosis in a nutshell - the important stuff.
IDC, 2.3cm, Stage II, Grade 2, 1/5 nodes, ER+/PR+,-HER2
Right Sentinel Node - positive metastatic carcinoma
Unifocal/clear margins
Estro Recep - 96%
Proges Recep - 76%
That is the BASIC info. This information determines what kind of Chemo Drugs you will take.
There are three basic Chemo protocals for breast cancer...they may vary slightly depending on your overall path report AND what your body can handle.
ACT
TAC
FEC (this is the one one that MD Anderson uses for most breast cancer treatments)
Accodring to my wonderful Doctor - they all give me the SAME overall results. Results meaning that the small cancer cells that MAY have been left in my body after surgery will go off to never never land and not make a return visit. No reoccurence is a biggie of course for all cancer warriors.
My Chemo treatment - AC +T
Every other week.
"ACT" stands for A-Adriamycin, C-Cytoxan, T-Taxol
I completed 1 AC treatment - and have 3 left.
Then I will have 4 T treatments
It is an aggressive dose dense chemo that is given in a shorter time frame.
Approx 16 weeks if everything goes well as compared to FEC treatment that takes up to 9 months to complete. Along with the ACT - I get a lot of other goodies mixed in for a happy cocktail hour. Steriods(ugh) and nausea meds...lots of nausea meds. My first Chemo had 7 infusions and lasted about 5 hours. 2 of the infusions were Chemo meds...the rest was extra !
My port worked fine...and even though the surgery for it was a pain in the ass...I was very happy not to have all the IVS in my arms.
I was the youngest kiddo in the "chemo room". All in all the nurses made the experience easy and comfortable. They even had some one walking around with juice, water, snacks and magazines ! Flat Screen TVs and very comfty chairs with heated blankets. MY DH went with me but he was busy watching FOX news on the TV. I chatted it up (because we know that is what I do best) - with the wife of another patient next to me. The time flew by. I chewed on ice the whole time because some one told me that protects your taste buds and your mouth. It seemed to work this time.
When I left - I felt kinda groggy from all the meds they pumped in to me, I was told to drink LOTS of water before and after treatment to help flush the toxins aka chemo out of your system - so I did. The funny/gross thing about red devil chemo is you urinate bright red for a day or two. I know TMI...but it is the chemo making its way thru your body.
My side effects: like having the flu on steriods.
Headache from hell, Nausea, and Extreme Fatigue.
The meds they give to combat the side effects work, you just have to take them religiously. So far I have been VERY BLESSED not to have any other side effects - and the ones I do have I am able to control. I want to sleep sleep sleep sleep....sleep is very healing for me. I am thankful for the drugs they give me to help me sleep. My side effects lasted (off and on) for about 3 days. I hope this is the norm for me because I really would like to work during this time frame.
The day after Chemo I must drag my poor pitiful self up to go BACK into the docotrs office to get a neulasta injection. This is the first time in my life I did not put on make up...of course the steriod made my face bight red and puffy so I dont think make up would have helped.
This helps keep me strong and my cell count up so they can pump some more chemo into my body next week.
Chemo Drug #1 *** I will talk about the other two later
Adriamycin, aka the "Red Devil," is a chemotherapy agent used to treat many kinds of cancer, including breast, lung, ovarian, and bladder cancer. It's also often called Doxorubicin, which is the generic name. Adriamycin is a brand name.
Adriamycin/Doxorubicin is often used as part of combination chemotherapy regimens; for example, when treating breast cancer it's often part of a three--part regimen known as ACT, which stands for Adriamycin, Cytoxan, Taxol.
Adriamycin's profile of side effects include low white blood cell count, low red blood cell count, low platelets, hair loss, and mouth sores., Adriamycin has come under fire because studies show it can have a toxic effect on the heart muscle, leading to heart failure.
For this reason, patients being treated with Adriamycin often have a MUGA scan to make sure the heart is working properly.
(my scan was good btw - I have a strong heart)
AND..last but not least. My hair will fall out in approx 15-20 days. I can tell it is changing now just by touching it.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Random Pink Thoughts from the edge
Many breast cancer fighters have a VERY tough time with the whole "survivor" term. Cancer will not make me a survivor. Yes, I plan on being alive. Yes, I an being treated for cancer. But do I feel like I will ever be out of the woods ? No. I will be living under the shadow of breast cancer every day of my life. I refuse to live in fear, but I live in reality that it can come back with a vengence. I look at us like fighters who have been drafted to fight in in some sort of medical battle. Some of us don't make it home. Others come home but the battle continues. I know women who have been in remission for 20 years and but I know plenty more that are seeing a recurrence within 2 years.
Who decided on pink? Has anyone seen the email or website that shows all the different ribbon oclors for all types of cancer? We're color-coded!
I went shopping at a store last week and they had a marathon pinktober thing going. I was purchasing some hats to wear for the great hair fall out and the salesperson told me if I donate $1 to BC I will get 25% off. It caught me of guard....I wanted to ask if I could get a discount because I have BC....but I cheerfully donated because I wanted the 25% off.
Who decided on pink? Has anyone seen the email or website that shows all the different ribbon oclors for all types of cancer? We're color-coded!
I went shopping at a store last week and they had a marathon pinktober thing going. I was purchasing some hats to wear for the great hair fall out and the salesperson told me if I donate $1 to BC I will get 25% off. It caught me of guard....I wanted to ask if I could get a discount because I have BC....but I cheerfully donated because I wanted the 25% off.
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