Busy Busy Busy

It has been a busy week for me at work and on the home front.
It has been a busy day for my blog as well.
I had 45 page views today and it is only 5 pm !

Thank you for all the comments - I enjoy reading them and they give me a laugh !


Thought for the day !
Never mess with a bald lady...we will kick your a$$ every single time.

Don't be a baby

I grew up in the house of testosterone !  3 older brothers and all of their friends.   I was the baby and the only female.

My brothers would always tell me - "Come on, dont be a big baby"  !  
This was said to ensure my silence so I would not run screaming to my parents about what ever they were involved in !  Oh the stories I could tell...I really should write a book or blog about it.

This was a catch phrase for me during treatment....it pushed me on.  If I felt any fear I would mentally tell myself - don't be a baby.  It served me well...I guess growing up around males made me tough and helped prepare me for this cancer battle.

I was supposed to start my new meds today...
I decide to start them on Saturday so I could be home if I had any strange side effects.
I dread taking them but they are supposed to help keep me cancer free and I will take them for ten years.

I gues I need to stop being a baby about it and suck it up !

Follow up Apt

First Follow Up Appointment

Went to my doc today – one of many many follow ups.

In a nutshell what my doc told me:

White counts are good - red counts or low.  Give it time because I was hit pretty hard by the chemo.

That if my counts come up in the next few months he will let me get my medi port removed (yeah) !

   

He said my chances of cure are between 85-90%  (that it will not return) and that without the chemo it would have been 60%.

He said I had the heaviest hardest dose dense chemo they give for this type of cancer and that I should be proud of how brave I handled it.  I told him a had good care takers and cheerleaders.

We discussed hormonal therapy and agreed that I would start Tamoxifen on Friday (wish me luck)  and ASSorted other meds for 10 years.    Here’s the kicker… There is absolutely no way to tell if my cancer is going to come back. There are really no tests to run, no indicators, nothing.   I just have to be aware of changes in my body.

Of course, I am to let my oncologist know if I experience any abnormal bone pain, pain in my calves, abnormal bleeding, difficulty breathing or headaches as these symptoms could indicate metastasis to my bones, lungs or brain. This is every breast cancer patient’s worst nightmare.  I think I have all of these symptoms NOW.....just kidding.  But really ?


I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about it every day.  But you know what...I am not afraid.
There are no guarantees in this life.
When I talked to my friends about it, I explained that it was like background noise. It never goes away.

I read on some internet cancer blog that if the cancer does come back it does so within the first 2-5 years. 

I will continue to be positive and brave.  I am still glad this happened to me instead of Allen or Gracie.
I will continue to blog about my follow ups and life on Tamox - so stay tuned.

A few of Gracies Senior Pictures...can I just say I love this little girl who brought me icees and took care of me when I was sick ! 

Happy Birthday Daddy

Happy Birthday to my sweet Dad.  4 years in Heaven, but missed every single day.   This picture was taken at my wedding in 1991.  He was a good man and a wonderful father.  He gave me my strong work ethic and he is one of the reasons I pushed myself to work during chemo.

My Dad was with me thru my illness...some of the stories are so  personal that I dare not share them...I am sure people would think it was the pain killers...or high fever.  I shared one of them with my husband..and he just told me I was very sick that night and running high fever.   Whatever !  I know.

I hope he is proud of the way I fought cancer and tried to be brave.  Complications from lung cancer took his life. I remember how brave he was and my last conversation with him.    My brother Chris and I were with him when he died.   That evening is etched into my mind...but as time goes on the pain is less.

"Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”

Happy Birthday Daddy..I love you  xxoo

Missing Mexico

We have gone to Mexico every year since 2003.   Something about the country feeds my souls as corny as it sounds.   People are always amazed when I tell them we go back to Mexico each year...for some reason they think it is a dangerous backwards country.  I tend to let them think that because I dont want any more tourists taking up my spot on their beautiful beaches.  Truth is ...it is safer than New Orleans and the beachs are waaaaaay nicer than any I have seen in the states.

Today is a crapped out day (meaning rainy and overcast/humid/traffic from Mardi Gras)....so I am looking at Allens airmiles and trying to decide where to stay and when to go.

My good frined Annalynne Bogner has booked all of my trips for me and has suggested a nice resort for me to look into :

 Zoetry Paraiso de la Bonita...you can google it or check it out on trip advisor..it is very laid back and very relaxing.  Sounds Fab right ?   wait till you see the pics !!!

This is Annalynnes web site for her travel agency:


http://www.lonepalmtravel.com/

She is a "Mexico expert" and always leads me in the right direction.   She is a dear friend and was very kind to me during this whole cancer ordeal.  Love you Shamalamalamalama.........(my nickname for her).
She is one of my fearless friends.   I know who they are now after going thru this illness.     I need to call her soon and let her book a trip for me so I can have something to talk about for the next few months.


Only In Mexico:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsytfJbru70

Got to love it.   I love mariachi bands.

I  had a prety decent week.  I got my first Mani/Pedi since September...it was wonderful.  I did a little bit of shopping and bought a nice pair of  Espadrilles and some "vacation" aka casual clothes.  I dont buy casual clothes because I wear suits to work and work out type clothing on weekends.
I still dont have the full energy to do a mall trip....but Kohls had some great deals.

My temperature controls are all messed up.  Hot and cold from minute to minute. The chemo threw me head first into menopause.   I will have to resort to taking sleep meds to get some rest.  Still have lots of  neuropathy in my hands and feet and some serious bone pain by the end of the day.  All things to talk about with my onc doc on Thursday.

But for the most part I am grateful for my new normal and having some feel good time now and then,

To acknowledge and receive love and abundance"

The challenge for all of us… To acknowledge and receive love and abundance and then put it back out there into the world."

I saw these words today and they really made me stop and pause.   How often do we overlook our own blessings in life ?

What did we give back today ?   Did we take more than we give ?

Make an effort today to be kind and put it back out into the world.

This reminds me of Allens Godmother Aunt Ruby.  She ended her cancer battle on Thursday - she was one of those ladies  who was truly a kind and giving person to the core of her soul.    She was an inspiration to me as I continue to fight my own cancer battle.   Ruby - I know you are home now. 

A few quotes and a prayer

Women agonize… over cancer; we take as a personal threat the lump in every friend’s breast.
-Martha Weinman Lear Heartsounds

The use of tamoxifen can prevent breast cancer in patients who have no evidence of breast cancer but are at high risk of getting it.
-Bernard Fisher

Someone told me my chemo symptoms sounded like a really bad hangover! Their suggestion that Gatorade was good for hangovers led to my drinking gallons of it, which helped steady that queasy shakiness.
-Jane Vaughan

****** this really works btw********

I remember when you couldn’t even say breast, let alone breast cancer. Women did not say those words. That has changed quite a bit.
-Fran Visco

Every woman needs to know the facts. And the fact is, when it comes to breast cancer, every woman is at risk.
-Debbie Wasserman Schultz

During chemo, you’re more tired than you’ve ever been. It’s like a cloud passing over the sun, and suddenly you’re out. You don’t know how you’ll answer the door when your groceries are delivered. But you also find that you’re stronger than you’ve ever been. You’re clear. Your mortality is at optimal distance, not up so close that it obscures everything else, but close enough to give you depth perception. Previously, it has taken you weeks, months, or years to discover the meaning of an experience. Now it’s instantaneous.
-Melissa Bank

I didn’t know anything about breast cancer when I got it.
-Rue McClanahan

I have to admit, like so many women, I always knew there was a chance. But like so many women, I never thought it would be me. I never thought I’d hear those devastating words: ‘You have breast cancer.’
-Debbie Wasserman Schultz

Well, right now, technically, I have no breast cancer.
-Lynn Redgrave


Praying for a co-worker of mine who is a 15 year survivor.....she had to go back in for an ultrsound today.  Waiting for news is hard !

We need a cure !!!!  Not a race with lots of pink ribbons and TShirts !

I had a pretty decent week - still have some fatigue and bone pain.  I am working full time and by the end of the week I am pretty darn tired.   I have a four day Mardi Gras weekend...so I am hoping to rest up and enjoy being with Allen and Gracie.    I am getting peach fuzz on my head (yeah hair) !!!   I gave up putting on mascara - I have NO eye lashes any more.   I am getting pretty good at drawing on my brows !   I could have used a Wool Willy for practice !

A post from FB that says it all

"I am a breast cancer survivor and for all of you that think we are still alive because of the research that SGK has financed...think again.

My decision to withdraw support from Komen has nothing whatsoever to with what happened with Planned Parenthood.

It is because the controversy has caused me (and many others) to delve into their financials. Komen in 2011 only allocated 15% of the donations raised towards research...and without research there is no cure. 15%. Where did the money go? A good majority of it goes to education and "awareness"...a whopping 34%. We have breast cancer awareness month every October...we don't need our hard earned donation dollars to increase awareness.

It has gone to litigation and legal fees. Komen has spent over a million dollars in the past several years to prevent organizations from using the words "for the cure"...sending "cease and desist" letters to people using "kites for the cure" to raise money for lung cancer research, using "cupcakes for the cure", "mush for the cure", "bark for the cure" and "kayak for the cure". Komen has identified and filed legal trademark oppositions against more than a hundred grassroots organizations trying to raise funds.

They use hard earned donations to pay for lobbyists, for "overhead", for funding PAC's, for excessive salaries (and yes, I do think that those that work for nonprofits deserve decent salaries and benefits...just not 300-400 k )..and on and on.

We all want a cure for breast cancer..unfortunately research is what brings about a cure and you will not get that only giving 15% of what you collect to research.

For all of you breast cancer survivors that are upset because we are upset with Komen, please do yourself a favor and look into their 990's that are filed.

Me, I am now devoting my time to raise money for Army Of Women/Love/Avon, in conjunction with the Johns Hopkins Breast Center and the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer . Research is what will bring about a cure. You can sign up for the Army of Women and participate in research..they send you information on many studies happening right now.

As the science magazine "Discover" said this past week in their article:
"Komen for the Cure’s Biggest Mistake Is About Science, not Politics"

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/crux/2012/02/10/komen-for-the-cures-biggest-mistake-is-about-science-not-politics/ 

That says it all. Science~~Research~~is what is going to give us a cure.

15%"

Out and About

Saturday I was feeling a little stir crazy.   I have been  house bound for five to six months except for work or doctors appointments. I wanted to go to the farmers market to pick up some veggies and out to lunch with hubby.   Gracie snapped this shot of me headed out the door.

I am still puffy and swollen from the chemo/steroids ...but I do my best to put on make up and draw in some fake eyebrows.   And my fake hair !    Yep this is me in my wig !   Bad Choice for this Saturday...it was super windy and cold.   I was afraid the wind would blow my wig off - LOL...sometimes you have to laugh at these things.  Gracie let me borrow her black boots with the fur...you cant see them very well in this picture, but they were nice and warm  It is nice we can wear the same shoe size.

After  the farmers market my hubby drove me to Breaux Bridge (nice little drive) to eat at Buck and Johnnys.   I love this place.   We both had the French Onion Soup and Spinach Salad.  My taste buds are still not working right - so it was hard for me to taste the Steens dressing on the salad.   It  was a nice day to get out - just a little cold and windy so we did not walk around the town and go into all the little antique stores.  I collect cast iron cookware...and you can find some good deals in some of the stores.

The trip wore me out and I slept for most of the afternoon.  My energy levels are not what they should be...but I know I need to get out and move when the weather is nice.

We did make a delish veggie stir fry for dinner....We are both trying to get more veggies in our diet.

His sweet sister Annette has invited us over for lunch on Sunday - she is an awesome cook, so I am looking forward to seeing her sweet family and then spending a quiet Sunday afternoon at home.  I have another full week at work so I need to plan some down time for rest.

Rant - it is Mardi Gras time in Louisiana and traffic is a bitch !

Amy Gets it !

Amy Gets Its !!!
Thank you to my sweet friend Amy K - love ya Chica !!!
Only you would send me this hat .....it sums it up !
Not a great pic of me....still puffy from chemo and steriods.....but just for you Amy  !   xxxoooo

Yes that is my sweet cat Frosty by my pc !!! :)

Update from my Atmosphere

I have been in “recovery mode” since my last chemo.   I thought today would be my first “good day” – but the nausea and bone pain hit again today after lunch.  I do think it is because I am tired.  This was my first FULL week back to work.  I am up at 5:30 and normally don’t get back to my house till 5:30 or 6.  Then laundry and pet/child care/house work.    Long long day for me….and by the end of the week I start to feel it.     I do think the doc double dosed me for the last one – because the last 14 days I have really been struggling.  BUT IT GETS A LITTLE BIT BETTER EVERY DAY.

Hubby made it home safe and sound and has been a tremendous help to me, physically and emotionally, this helps me recover in more ways than you could imagine.  He is my solid rock.     A big plus is that he likes to cook and has been cooking dinners almost every night – this is a big bonus to me…because  I would just heat up some soup and call it a day.  He also does the grocery shopping and all the other “chores” that  would zap my energy.

His sweet sisters brought us a nice dinner for his birthday – and that was a treat.  Cabbage rolls and carrot cake !  Those are his favorites !

I have also hired my niece in law  to clean my house…this is another BIG ISSUE for me….and this brings me great joy (again it saves me energy and it helps her out with some extra money) – a win win.

Other random thoughts

I am thinking if I feel up to it we may drive to Breaux Bridge this weekend and  go out to eat on Saturday (for lunch). There are some litttle cutes shops downtown and I love Buck and Johnnys.

I am looking forward to my follow up appointment on the 23^rd – it seems strange not to be going back to chemo this week.

If you have some time for a few extra prayers this week, please remember my friend Tammie Bordelon – she was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer last week.

Rest in peace, Susan Niebur and Rachel Cheetham Moro, fellow breast cancer warriors and bloggers who both passed away on Monday Feb. 6^th, 2012.  yes - women die from this s$%^&#$% every day !

fearless friends are so important

When you start blogging a funny thing happens...you become connected to other bloggers.
I follow several other "cancer bloggers".
It is a good way to share information and learn and to make friends who are in the same boat you are.

This week two of my favorite bloggers passed away.


http://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com/2012/02/06/goodbye/


http://cancerculturenow.blogspot.com/

This makes me sad and cry for people I dont even know.  But I know what they went thru on some level...and I know there are plenty of us left in the same boat.

Please take a few minutes to check out their blogs and leave a word of kindness for  their family.
YES KIND WORDS ARE IMPORTANT...EVEN FROM PEOPLE YOU DONT KNOW.

:(   fearless friends are so important...rest in peace ladies

what breast cancer is,and what it is not

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZwpSwm_4as&feature=share

Please take a few minutes to watch .....do it for me

Landslide

I have been in recovery mode this week.  I really have not been feeling good. (fever, nausea, bone pain...you know the drill).  I did work quite a bit - and I know I should have cut my hours, but it so nice to be busy and productive - but it takes its toll on me physically.

This last chemo blasted me and I hope by next week I will feel better.
I keep waiting for it.

On a happy note...Allen flys home from Istanbul Turkey this weekend.
A friend is driving me to the airport to get him (because my eyesight is still crapped out from the chemo and I can't see at night, and it is supposed to be raining to).

It will be a nice weekend just because he is home.

On the way to work this morning I heard this song....and it made me cry...because Cancer was a landslide for me and it truly brought me down. I feel changed in so many ways it is hard to describe.

Happy Weekend....enjoy the normal everyday boring times of your life.


Took my love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes bolder, children get older
I'm getting older too, well
Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes bolder, children get older
I'm getting older too, well, I'm getting older too

So take this love and take it down
Yeah, and if you climb a mountain and you turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide brought down

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe, well maybe, well maybe
The landslide will bring you down