Thursday is treatment number 4~
AND I WILL BE 1/2 THE WAY THROUGH !
That is a milestone that keeps me going.....like the little engine that could.
I think I can I think I can I think I can...Going over the hill and getting closer to the finish line.
I was able to work a full day today ....a productive day. So that made me feel good to.
Allen had also cooked a big pot of gumbo for dinner tonight -and he went light on the seasonings so I could eat it.
And it was good....no it was great.
So I am glad I am going into this treatment a bit stronger that the last one.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
You Look Great
A friend told me I looked great the other night and I thought to myself...she must be joking.
I dont feel great...so there is no way you can tell me I look great.
My clothes really dont fit me right now....my bones hurt like I am 90 years old.
My skin is dried out and pale, my lips are chapped and my nose runs like a leaky hose...and I am constantly hacking up a part of my lung for most of the day.
I am quite sure my wig was on crooked. My eyelashs and eyebrows are falling out...leaving me with a globs of mascara under my eyes as I vainly try to make the 3 remaining ones stand out ! And to top it off I also found out later I had spinach in my teeth from the salad I had for dinner.
I HAVE lost some weight so so maybe that is what she meant ... My big girl pantys dont fit anymore and by that I mean I cry at dog food commercials on TV and I am tried of being stong and brave dang it !!!!!
I have a list of questions for my doctor on Thursday.....hear my whine !
I just hope I feel well enough on Thursday to remember the list...because right now I have a serious case of chemo brain..(I am not making this up...it is a side effect of chemo, you can google it) I got locked out of my computer at work yesteray because I forgot my password . The help desk guys were great about it. But after the second time in a week I think they have put my name on a list.
Anyway some one sent me this and I thought it was a great read:
You Look Great’ and Other Lies
I dont feel great...so there is no way you can tell me I look great.
My clothes really dont fit me right now....my bones hurt like I am 90 years old.
My skin is dried out and pale, my lips are chapped and my nose runs like a leaky hose...and I am constantly hacking up a part of my lung for most of the day.
I am quite sure my wig was on crooked. My eyelashs and eyebrows are falling out...leaving me with a globs of mascara under my eyes as I vainly try to make the 3 remaining ones stand out ! And to top it off I also found out later I had spinach in my teeth from the salad I had for dinner.
I HAVE lost some weight so so maybe that is what she meant ... My big girl pantys dont fit anymore and by that I mean I cry at dog food commercials on TV and I am tried of being stong and brave dang it !!!!!
I have a list of questions for my doctor on Thursday.....hear my whine !
I just hope I feel well enough on Thursday to remember the list...because right now I have a serious case of chemo brain..(I am not making this up...it is a side effect of chemo, you can google it) I got locked out of my computer at work yesteray because I forgot my password . The help desk guys were great about it. But after the second time in a week I think they have put my name on a list.
Anyway some one sent me this and I thought it was a great read:
You Look Great’ and Other Lies
By BRUCE FEILER
Three years ago this month, I learned that I had bone cancer. That diagnosis led me down a dark year that included nine months of chemo and a 15-hour surgery to reconstruct my left leg.
At the time, my wife, Linda, and I were the parents of 3-year-old identical twin girls, and we were often overwhelmed with the everyday challenges of having a sick dad, a working mom and two preschoolers. We survived with help from many people. Our siblings organized an online casserole club, so friends could buy us dinner through a meal service. Grandparents rotated in and out of our basement. My high school classmates made a video at our reunion.
But as my friend’s query suggested, some gestures were more helpful than others, and a few were downright annoying. So at the risk of offending some well-meaning people, here are Six Things You Should Never Say to a Friend (or Relative or Colleague) Who’s Sick. And Four Things You Can Always Say.
First, the Nevers.
1. WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP? Most patients I know grow to hate this ubiquitous, if heartfelt question because it puts the burden back on them. As Doug Ulman, the chief executive of Livestrong and a three-time cancer survivor, explained: “The patient is never going to tell you. They don’t want to feel vulnerable.” Instead, just do something for the patient. And the more mundane the better, because those are the tasks that add up. Want to be really helpful? Bring Soup, run errands, clean my fridge, replace my light bulbs, unpot my dead plants, change my oil, send house cleaning. Don't ask, just do !
2. MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU. In my experience, some people think about you, which is nice. Others pray for you, which is equally comforting. But the majority of people who say they’re sending “thoughts and prayers” are just falling back on a mindless cliché. It’s time to retire this hackneyed expression to the final resting place of platitudes, alongside “I’m stepping down to spend more time with my family,” or “It’s not you, it’s me.”
3. DID YOU TRY THAT MANGO COLONIC I RECOMMENDED? I was stunned by the number of friends and strangers alike who inundated me with tips for miracle tonics, Chinese herbs or Swedish visualization exercises. At times, my in-box was like a Grand Ole Opry lineup of 1940s Appalachian black-magic potions. “If you put tumeric under your fingernails, and pepper on your neck, and take a grapefruit shower, you’ll feel better. It cured my Uncle Louie.”
Even worse, the recommenders follow up! Jennifer Goodman Linn, a former marketing executive who’s survived seven recurrences of a sarcoma and is compiling a book, “I Know You Mean Well, but ...,” was approached recently at a store.
“You don’t know me, but you’re friends with my wife,” the man said, before asking Ms. Linn why she wasn’t wearing the kabbalah bracelet they bought her in Israel.
4. EVERYTHING WILL BE O.K. Unsure what to say, many well-wishers fall back on chirpy feel-goodisms. But these banalities are more often designed to allay the fears of the caregiver than those of the patient. As one friend who recently had brain surgery complained: “I got a lot of ‘chin ups,’ ‘you’re going to get better.’ I kept thinking: You haven’t seen the scans. That’s not what the doctor is saying.” The simple truth is, unless you’re a medical professional, resist playing Nostradamus.
5. HOW ARE WE TODAY? Every adult patient I know complains about being infantilized. The writer Letty Cottin Pogrebin, who had breast cancer, is working on a book, “How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick.” It includes a list of “no-no’s” that treat ailing grown-ups like children. When the adult patient has living parents, as I did, many mothers in particular fall back on old patterns, from overstepping their boundaries to making bologna sandwiches when the patient hasn’t eaten them since childhood. “Just because someone is dealing with a physical illness,” Mr. Ulman said, “doesn’t diminish their mental capacity.”
6. YOU LOOK GREAT. Nice try, but patients can see right through this chestnut. We know we’re gaunt, our hair is falling out in clumps. The only thing this hollow expression conveys is that you’re focusing on how we appear. “When people comment on my appearance,” Ms. Linn said, “it reminds me that I don’t look good.”
Next time you want to compliment a patient’s appearance, keep this in mind: Vanity is the only part of the human anatomy that is immune to cancer.
So what do patients like to hear? Here are four suggestions.
1. DON’T WRITE ME BACK. All patients get overwhelmed with the burden of keeping everyone informed, coddled and feeling appreciated. Social networking, while offering some relief, often increases the expectation of round-the-clock updates.
To get around this problem, I appointed a “minister of information,” whose job it was to disseminate news, deflect queries and generally be polite when I didn’t have the energy or inclination to be. But you can do your part, too: If you do drop off a fruitcake or take the dog for a walk, insist the patient not write you a thank-you note. Chicken soup is not a wedding gift; it shouldn’t come with added stress.
2. I SHOULD BE GOING NOW. You’ll never go wrong by uttering these five words while visiting someone who’s sick. As Ms. Pogrebin observes of such visits, don’t overstay your welcome. She recommends 20 minutes, even less if the patient is tired or in pain.
3. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME GOSSIP? One surefire tip: a slight change of topic goes a long way. Patients are often sick of talking about their illness. We have to do that with our doctors, nurses and insurance henchmen. By all means, follow the lead of the individual, but sometimes ignoring the elephant in the room is just the right medicine. Even someone recovering from surgery has an opinion about the starlet’s affair, the underdog in the playoffs or the big election around the corner.
4. I LOVE YOU. When all else fails, simple, direct emotion is the most powerful gift you can give a loved one going through pain. It doesn’t need to be ornamented. It just needs to be real. “I’m sorry you have to go through this.” “I hate to see you suffer.” “You mean a lot to me.” The fact that so few of us do this makes it even more meaningful.
At the time, my wife, Linda, and I were the parents of 3-year-old identical twin girls, and we were often overwhelmed with the everyday challenges of having a sick dad, a working mom and two preschoolers. We survived with help from many people. Our siblings organized an online casserole club, so friends could buy us dinner through a meal service. Grandparents rotated in and out of our basement. My high school classmates made a video at our reunion.
But as my friend’s query suggested, some gestures were more helpful than others, and a few were downright annoying. So at the risk of offending some well-meaning people, here are Six Things You Should Never Say to a Friend (or Relative or Colleague) Who’s Sick. And Four Things You Can Always Say.
First, the Nevers.
1. WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP? Most patients I know grow to hate this ubiquitous, if heartfelt question because it puts the burden back on them. As Doug Ulman, the chief executive of Livestrong and a three-time cancer survivor, explained: “The patient is never going to tell you. They don’t want to feel vulnerable.” Instead, just do something for the patient. And the more mundane the better, because those are the tasks that add up. Want to be really helpful? Bring Soup, run errands, clean my fridge, replace my light bulbs, unpot my dead plants, change my oil, send house cleaning. Don't ask, just do !
2. MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU. In my experience, some people think about you, which is nice. Others pray for you, which is equally comforting. But the majority of people who say they’re sending “thoughts and prayers” are just falling back on a mindless cliché. It’s time to retire this hackneyed expression to the final resting place of platitudes, alongside “I’m stepping down to spend more time with my family,” or “It’s not you, it’s me.”
3. DID YOU TRY THAT MANGO COLONIC I RECOMMENDED? I was stunned by the number of friends and strangers alike who inundated me with tips for miracle tonics, Chinese herbs or Swedish visualization exercises. At times, my in-box was like a Grand Ole Opry lineup of 1940s Appalachian black-magic potions. “If you put tumeric under your fingernails, and pepper on your neck, and take a grapefruit shower, you’ll feel better. It cured my Uncle Louie.”
Even worse, the recommenders follow up! Jennifer Goodman Linn, a former marketing executive who’s survived seven recurrences of a sarcoma and is compiling a book, “I Know You Mean Well, but ...,” was approached recently at a store.
“You don’t know me, but you’re friends with my wife,” the man said, before asking Ms. Linn why she wasn’t wearing the kabbalah bracelet they bought her in Israel.
4. EVERYTHING WILL BE O.K. Unsure what to say, many well-wishers fall back on chirpy feel-goodisms. But these banalities are more often designed to allay the fears of the caregiver than those of the patient. As one friend who recently had brain surgery complained: “I got a lot of ‘chin ups,’ ‘you’re going to get better.’ I kept thinking: You haven’t seen the scans. That’s not what the doctor is saying.” The simple truth is, unless you’re a medical professional, resist playing Nostradamus.
5. HOW ARE WE TODAY? Every adult patient I know complains about being infantilized. The writer Letty Cottin Pogrebin, who had breast cancer, is working on a book, “How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick.” It includes a list of “no-no’s” that treat ailing grown-ups like children. When the adult patient has living parents, as I did, many mothers in particular fall back on old patterns, from overstepping their boundaries to making bologna sandwiches when the patient hasn’t eaten them since childhood. “Just because someone is dealing with a physical illness,” Mr. Ulman said, “doesn’t diminish their mental capacity.”
6. YOU LOOK GREAT. Nice try, but patients can see right through this chestnut. We know we’re gaunt, our hair is falling out in clumps. The only thing this hollow expression conveys is that you’re focusing on how we appear. “When people comment on my appearance,” Ms. Linn said, “it reminds me that I don’t look good.”
Next time you want to compliment a patient’s appearance, keep this in mind: Vanity is the only part of the human anatomy that is immune to cancer.
So what do patients like to hear? Here are four suggestions.
1. DON’T WRITE ME BACK. All patients get overwhelmed with the burden of keeping everyone informed, coddled and feeling appreciated. Social networking, while offering some relief, often increases the expectation of round-the-clock updates.
To get around this problem, I appointed a “minister of information,” whose job it was to disseminate news, deflect queries and generally be polite when I didn’t have the energy or inclination to be. But you can do your part, too: If you do drop off a fruitcake or take the dog for a walk, insist the patient not write you a thank-you note. Chicken soup is not a wedding gift; it shouldn’t come with added stress.
2. I SHOULD BE GOING NOW. You’ll never go wrong by uttering these five words while visiting someone who’s sick. As Ms. Pogrebin observes of such visits, don’t overstay your welcome. She recommends 20 minutes, even less if the patient is tired or in pain.
3. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME GOSSIP? One surefire tip: a slight change of topic goes a long way. Patients are often sick of talking about their illness. We have to do that with our doctors, nurses and insurance henchmen. By all means, follow the lead of the individual, but sometimes ignoring the elephant in the room is just the right medicine. Even someone recovering from surgery has an opinion about the starlet’s affair, the underdog in the playoffs or the big election around the corner.
4. I LOVE YOU. When all else fails, simple, direct emotion is the most powerful gift you can give a loved one going through pain. It doesn’t need to be ornamented. It just needs to be real. “I’m sorry you have to go through this.” “I hate to see you suffer.” “You mean a lot to me.” The fact that so few of us do this makes it even more meaningful.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Angels Among Us
A dear friend, and fellow Steel Magnolia, and talented artist sent me an original painting as a gift.
Angels are very special to me....how did she know this ?
It is beautiful - and I love it. We share a love of the deep South and Mexico. We belong to the same Mexico travel forum and I consider her to be a kindred spirit on many levels. I have been very blessed to experience so much support and love from my "peeps" on this special travel site.
I love you girlies - Karen, Shams, Pat, Clo, Laura, The Potluck girls and so many more (tying not to leave any one out) and all those who have reached out to me from this special travel forum. All this from people who I vacation with in Mexico !
The kindness of people reaching out to support me is something I promise not to forget going forward.
Guardian Angels...and she painted this just for me. How Awesome is that !
From infancy to death human life is surrounded by their (the angels) watchful care and intercession. Beside each believer stands an angel as protector and shepherd leading him to life. Already here on earth the Christian life shares by faith in the blessed company of angels and men united to God."
Angels of God,
my guardian dear,
To whom God's love
commits me here,
Ever this day,
be at my side,
To light and guard,
Rule and guide.
"Children often have imaginary playmates. I suspect that half of them are really their guardian angels." -- Eileen Elias Freeman
When angels visit us we do not hear the rustle of wings, nor feel the feathery touch of the breast of a dove; but we know their presence by the love they create in our hearts. ~ Unknown
Angels Among us ! Roll Tide - just for you Tonya !!!! xxoooo
This is her website - check out her artwork!
http://tonya-rosa-stephens.artistwebsites.com/
Angels are very special to me....how did she know this ?
It is beautiful - and I love it. We share a love of the deep South and Mexico. We belong to the same Mexico travel forum and I consider her to be a kindred spirit on many levels. I have been very blessed to experience so much support and love from my "peeps" on this special travel site.
I love you girlies - Karen, Shams, Pat, Clo, Laura, The Potluck girls and so many more (tying not to leave any one out) and all those who have reached out to me from this special travel forum. All this from people who I vacation with in Mexico !
The kindness of people reaching out to support me is something I promise not to forget going forward.
Guardian Angels...and she painted this just for me. How Awesome is that !
From infancy to death human life is surrounded by their (the angels) watchful care and intercession. Beside each believer stands an angel as protector and shepherd leading him to life. Already here on earth the Christian life shares by faith in the blessed company of angels and men united to God."
Angels of God,
my guardian dear,
To whom God's love
commits me here,
Ever this day,
be at my side,
To light and guard,
Rule and guide.
"Children often have imaginary playmates. I suspect that half of them are really their guardian angels." -- Eileen Elias Freeman
When angels visit us we do not hear the rustle of wings, nor feel the feathery touch of the breast of a dove; but we know their presence by the love they create in our hearts. ~ Unknown
Angels Among us ! Roll Tide - just for you Tonya !!!! xxoooo
This is her website - check out her artwork!
http://tonya-rosa-stephens.artistwebsites.com/
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Feeling Better
The new meds seem to be working - YAH !!!! and my fever is under control.
I had a visit from Gracies former harp teacher, Bette Vidrine. She made me some beautiful scarves.
I love them....I even have a Christmas one. The are big so they give me full head coverage :)
Just when you think you are having a bad cancer day - some one lifts you you to the next level.
Blessings indeed !
I had a visit from Gracies former harp teacher, Bette Vidrine. She made me some beautiful scarves.
I love them....I even have a Christmas one. The are big so they give me full head coverage :)
Just when you think you are having a bad cancer day - some one lifts you you to the next level.
Blessings indeed !
Follow up
Got a hold of my lovely doctor - he really is veyr cute and kind.
Looks like more antibotics and ASSORTED med called in by my nice doc....and a trip in to the office on Monday morning to check my white/red counts. Dr Cole and his whole office are truly wonderful and caring....I have been blessed to have them taking care of me.
I makes me weary just thinkingabout it.
And I feell like I will sleep all weekend.
Hoping for some sappy LifetimeChristmas movies or some new HGTV shows.......all with happy endings of course.
I have an 30 minute appointment I have to make at 11 today.
It helps me to get up and getd d ressed. Allen s driving me because I am a little tired/weak from all the heavy duty meds. So the last thing I need to do is drive in Lafyaette Christmas traffic.
I will take all my meds before I sgo I dont feel like crap and can make it through my appointment with out coughing my head off or passing out.
I see a long winters nap in my future today.
I not hungry and was able to gag down 1./2 grilled cheese today.
Hope by tonight I am in the mood for some good soup.....
My BFF Donna brought me some tomatoe basil soup a few weeks ago - and I am going to pick some up after ny appointment....she always know the good spots around town for things such as this.
Looks like more antibotics and ASSORTED med called in by my nice doc....and a trip in to the office on Monday morning to check my white/red counts. Dr Cole and his whole office are truly wonderful and caring....I have been blessed to have them taking care of me.
I makes me weary just thinkingabout it.
And I feell like I will sleep all weekend.
Hoping for some sappy LifetimeChristmas movies or some new HGTV shows.......all with happy endings of course.
I have an 30 minute appointment I have to make at 11 today.
It helps me to get up and getd d ressed. Allen s driving me because I am a little tired/weak from all the heavy duty meds. So the last thing I need to do is drive in Lafyaette Christmas traffic.
I will take all my meds before I sgo I dont feel like crap and can make it through my appointment with out coughing my head off or passing out.
I see a long winters nap in my future today.
I not hungry and was able to gag down 1./2 grilled cheese today.
Hope by tonight I am in the mood for some good soup.....
My BFF Donna brought me some tomatoe basil soup a few weeks ago - and I am going to pick some up after ny appointment....she always know the good spots around town for things such as this.
High Fever
Murphys Law
High fevers and chills only hit you at 3 am on a Saturday morning.
Debating on if I should call my doctor or wait till morning.
The cut off rate is 101.6 for calling the doctor according to the paperwork, I am right there...
I felt so good yeaterday....never tempt fate by saying that.
High fevers and chills only hit you at 3 am on a Saturday morning.
Debating on if I should call my doctor or wait till morning.
The cut off rate is 101.6 for calling the doctor according to the paperwork, I am right there...
I felt so good yeaterday....never tempt fate by saying that.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Happy Thanksgiving
The biggest healing tool is love and Allen hase been home the last few weeks and has gone to every treatment and appointment with me I know how good this has been for my spirit. When you have a happy heart the body is able to repair itself, boosting the immune system. I know that without a healthy heart it’s hard to get enjoyment out of life, it creates an unbalanced and unable lifestyle making it difficult to handle the stresses of everyday life. I am so grateful to have him home with me and to help me thru this time.
On days where I feel I have been zapped of all my energy, with someone you love around there is always enough room to laugh, smile, chat, cook dinners and most of all, get through the burdens of chemo.
I am grateful for the experiences and lessons I have learned within my family.
I am looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with my older brother Chris and his sweet family. He is a cancer survivor and has always been a father figure in my life. He bailed me out of a tough spot when I was in my 20s and I will never forget that. We dont see each other every week or even every month ....but with out a doubt I could call him and he would be there if I needed something, and I would do the same for him....somethings are just unsaid, but we know they are there. I see so much of my Dads spirit in him that it always makes me smile.
I have been very blessed when it comes to family in my life.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and remember to be grateful for all the people in your life who love you.
On days where I feel I have been zapped of all my energy, with someone you love around there is always enough room to laugh, smile, chat, cook dinners and most of all, get through the burdens of chemo.
I am grateful for the experiences and lessons I have learned within my family.
I am looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with my older brother Chris and his sweet family. He is a cancer survivor and has always been a father figure in my life. He bailed me out of a tough spot when I was in my 20s and I will never forget that. We dont see each other every week or even every month ....but with out a doubt I could call him and he would be there if I needed something, and I would do the same for him....somethings are just unsaid, but we know they are there. I see so much of my Dads spirit in him that it always makes me smile.
I have been very blessed when it comes to family in my life.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and remember to be grateful for all the people in your life who love you.
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